Comedy - The Beautiful Episode 2 - First 3 pages (20 pages)

EPISODE 2 – “Pretty Sure You Would Have Lost Even If It Was A Little Korean Guy”

Scene 1 - Tom and Chip are in the doorway of their apartment, they are in mid-argument with a man who is dressed in a white dress shirt and a tie. Tom and Chip have already reached a level of agitation by the time we join in on this argument, frequently interrupting.

Tom:

Well I am not going

Man:

No, sir…I wasn’t sent for you specifically..

Tom:

Well I am not an alcoholic so I don’t even need AA

Man:

Sir…please…

Chip:

Oh YOU please. (throws a coffee on the guy)

Man:

Ok…alright, just stop. Once again, I am here in your building talking to EVERYONE about the dangers of alcohol and about how the Church of Jehovah saved my life.

Chip:

Yes but why did they send you to us?

Man:

(under his breath) God. Because I believe that you and everyone else should be able to benefit from the teachings of the book of Jehovah. Listen, before I found the Church I was a mess, alcohol had ruined my life. Alcohol caused me to crash my car into my bosses car, it caused me to have multiple affairs and even be violent with my wife, it caused me to set my garage on fire, it…

Tom:

Why do you keep bragging about that?

Man:

I am not…

Tom:

(To Chip) The way you say that it’s like you are telling us points of pride

Chip:

Oh, I thought that was what he was doing, I thought that was like a list of accomplishments you were just bouncing off of us…maybe get some positive feedback

Man:

That wasn’t my intention

Chip:

Because I was going to say, you should stop doing things like that

Man:

Well…thank you for your…I am just looking for a small donation..

Tom and Chip: God!!

Here we go. Is this what this was about?

The man hands his clipboard to Chip

Chip:

Holy SHIT. Look how much money he raised.

Tom:

What????? How much of this do you get?

Man:

We are personally entitled to a mere 30%

Chip:

THIRTY PERCENT!!! That’s like…

(he tries desperately to do the math in his head)

(eventually he gives up trying to do the math and stares back at the man as though it is his turn to speak)

Tom:

Ok (Clasps hands) How do we get in on this? Give me Jehova’s number let me talk to him.

Man:

It’s a religion so it’s not something you can just become. There is a tradition and an initiation process

Chip:

Talk to me
(gestures for the man to come in)

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