HOUSE ARREST #1 - the Spider

CHARACTERS


RICK: Tall, tattooed. Has an air of indifference about him, he rarely gets worked up about anything but is known to act out towards HAROLD. He blames HAROLD for getting them arrested although he won’t say it outright.

CHRIS: Slim, very clean and put together. Volatile. He completely blames HAROLD for the position they are in, even if it wasn’t HAROLD’s fault he still wouldn’t like HAROLD. He’s a bully.

HAROLD: Overweight. Dumb, bumbling and extremely passive. His mind is always wandering and when asked questions he’s startled. Like a fourth grader who got asked a question by the teacher while he was daydreaming. Blamed for getting everyone arrested although it was common knowledge around town what the 3 men were up to.


SYNOPSIS

RICK, CHRIS and HAROLD are under house arrest for fixing little league games, threatening kids and parents to throw games, tampering with equipment and shaking down coaches. They were sentenced to house arrest to keep them far away from the community. They live in a small two bedroom apartment where HAROLD occupies the couch and sometimes bathtub as a sleeping area; they are never allowed to leave the apartment. Provisions are provided for them on a weekly allowance.


House Arrest #1 - the Spider

Scene: RICK is sitting on the couch shouting to CHRIS who has locked himself in the other room.

RICK
Ok, it’s probably gone now

CHRIS
Did you see it leave? Why didn’t you kill it?

RICK
I never kill spiders

CHRIS
Well from now on I want you to ALWAYS kill spiders

RICK
I don’t know why you’re so scared of a little thing like that, it’s not like we have tarantulas here.

CHRIS
I am not scared of spiders, I just hate them. They make me so mad I scream.

RICK
And run away, and hide.

CHRIS
I go to my room to cool off because I am mad, I HATE that spider

RICK
What spider? I don’t even see anything

CHRIS COMES STORMING OUT OF HIS ROOM

CHRIS
It’s right THERE

CHRIS POINTS TO A BLACK SPOT ON THE TABLE, CHRIS KEEPS A SAFE DISTANCE FROM THE MYSTERY SPOT

RICK
That’s a chocolate CHRIS


CHRIS
That’s a spider, I can see it’s legs

RICK
Those are hairs, or mold or something. HAROLD YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING THIS PLACE!

HAROLD APPEARS

HAROLD
I was just in the other room reading

CHRIS
You’re a liar. HAROLD I want to you to do a complete sweep of this house for spiders.


RICK
And I want you to clean up this chocolate CHRIS and tell me if it’s a spider.

HAROLD GOES OVER TO THE DARK SPOT AND PICKS IT UP AND PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH ALL IN ONE MOTION

CHRIS
You’re a pig, you’re a disgusting pig….well tell us what it was you pig. Was it a spider or a chocolate CHRIS?

HAROLD
Kind hard to tell (HAROLD is wearing a face on him that almost looks like he just bit into a lemon, tears and all). How is a spider supposed to taste?

RICK
Not chocolaty

HAROLD
Probably a spider then

END