House Arrest #3 - HAROLD is Sick (and Dumb)

House Arrest #3

SCENE: RICK and CHRIS enter the bathroom where a very sick HAROLD is lying in a nest in the tub.

RICK:
Hey, big guy. You feeling any better?

HAROLD:
Kinda, feel cold. Can’t really sleep. Pretty uncomfortable.

CHRIS:
Are you still throwing up?

HAROLD:
I throw up all the time

RICK:
That’s awful! We only have one toilet.

HAROLD:
I just feel really weak, I keep falling asleep. I am just wondering if you guys could maybe give me some medicine?

CHRIS:
Well we only have a certain amount of money and there isn’t really any wiggle room in the budget for HAROLD medicine.

HAROLD:
Well; I mean, you could move some things around. There’s probably some things that can be moved around.

CHRIS:
It’s very rigid, I’ve structured it myself. HAROLD; I’m in charge of the weekly budget and I can assure you everything on this budget is essential and cannot be moved.

(Cut to numerous shots of CHRIS using bug spray, tons of shots, shots of all the bottles lying around ,something that gets across he spends a TON of money on bug spray.)

RICK:
I have a few extra bucks, I can run out and grab you some food if you want.

HAROLD:
I’ll take an Oh! Henry.

RICK:
OH! No you won’t. You know what? I am not even all that convinced you need food.

CHRIS:
I am not even all that convinced you aren’t milking this whole thing.


HAROLD:
I am not really getting anything out of this though, you guys aren’t really helping me.

RICK:
I put cushions in the tub for you

HAROLD:
No you didn’t

RICK:
Didn’t I?

CHRIS:
No I wouldn’t allow it, that tub is filthy. It’s a waste of cushions.

RICK:
Well as long as you’re comfortable HAROLD (RICK walks away) that’s all that matters.

CHRIS and HAROLD are left in the washroom.

CHRIS:
Well alright.

CHRIS moves towards the toilet, he closes the shower curtain on HAROLD and sits down on the toilet.

HAROLD:
Maybe you could hold that until later

CHRIS:
I’d rather not, HAROLD do you have anything for me to read? Actually if you do; read it out loud for me. I don’t want to touch anything you’ve touched.

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HOUSE ARREST #2 - The Nerve of Harold

RICK: Tall, tattooed. Has an air of indifference about him, he rarely gets worked up about anything but is known to act out towards HAROLD. He blames HAROLD for getting them arrested although he won’t say it outright.

CHRIS: Slim, very clean and put together. Volatile. He completely blames HAROLD for the position they are in, even if it wasn’t HAROLD’s fault he still wouldn’t like HAROLD. He’s a bully.

HAROLD: Overweight. Dumb, bumbling and extremely passive. His mind is always wandering and when asked questions he’s startled. Like a fourth grader who got asked a question by the teacher while he was daydreaming. Blamed for getting everyone arrested although it was common knowledge around town what the 3 men were up to.


SYNOPSIS

RICK, CHRIS and HAROLD are under house arrest for fixing little league games, threatening kids and parents to throw games, tampering with equipment and shaking down coaches. They were sentenced to house arrest to keep them far away from the community. They live in a small two bedroom apartment where HAROLD occupies the couch and sometimes bathtub as a sleeping area; they are never allowed to leave the apartment. Provisions are provided for them on a weekly allowance.

House Arrest #2

OPEN: RICK AND HAROLD ARE IN THE KITCHEN MAKING COFFEE

HAROLD
(Yawns) Really tired.

RICK
Yeah?

HAROLD
Didn’t really get much sleep last night, kinda noisy

CUT TO A CLIP OF HAROLD TRYING TO FALL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH WHILE RICK OBNOXIOUSLY WATCHES TV, USES THE BLENDER…etc, IT’S 3AM.

RICK
That’s tough man.

CHRIS CAN BE HEARD MOANING IN THE BACKGROUND, HE COMES INTO THE KITCHEN WALKING AWKWARDLY ON HIS TIPPY TOES WHILE SQUATTING (HE LOOKS ALMOST LIKE A LARGE BIRD WITH A BAD BACK AS HE WALKS). HE LOOKS ABSURD AND IS HOLDING HIS LOWER BACK.

CHRIS
My back…something happened to my back. It’s so stiff, it hurts so bad.

RICK
Wow

CHRIS
Yeah

RICK
So you’re just going to be walking around like that

CHRIS
I can’t help it

CHRIS WALKS AROUND A LITTLE; HUNCHED OVER AND IN VISIBLE PAIN, RICK STARTS LAUGHING AT HIM

CHRIS
It’s not funny

RICK
Yes it is

RICK LAUGHS, CHRIS STARTS TO LAUGH; THEY SHARE A LONG LAUGH TOGETHER. HAROLD STARTS TO LAUGH, CHRIS’S LAUGHTER QUICKLY DIES OFF AS HIS EYES LOCK ONTO HAROLD

CHRIS
Something funny?

HAROLD
Just think it’s kinda funny how you’re walking

CHRIS
OH YOU DO! This is funny to you? (CHRIS walks around).

HAROLD LOOKS AT RICK, RICK RESPONDS BY SHAKING HIS HEAD AT HIM

RICK
You’re an asshole HAROLD

CHRIS
You have no class. I am in pain and you’re laughing at me. Do you know how that feels?

HAROLD
…not really

CHRIS
Oh, well

CHRIS TAKES HAROLD’S COFFEE OUT OF HIS HAND AND SPLASHES HIM IN THE FACE WITH IT, HAROLD GOES DOWN SCREAMING AND CLUTCHING HIS FACE IN AGONY. CHRIS LAUGHS LOUDLY, AT FIRST HE’S FAKE LAUGHING BUT AS HAROLD SQUEALS MORE AND MORE HE STARTS TO ACTUALLY LAUGH. RICK AND CHRIS LAUGH.

CHRIS
Well, HAROLD. I take it back, it is funny when someone gets hurt.

HAROLD
So I can laugh at you?

CHRIS
No, I’ll kill you.

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HOUSE ARREST #1 - the Spider

CHARACTERS


RICK: Tall, tattooed. Has an air of indifference about him, he rarely gets worked up about anything but is known to act out towards HAROLD. He blames HAROLD for getting them arrested although he won’t say it outright.

CHRIS: Slim, very clean and put together. Volatile. He completely blames HAROLD for the position they are in, even if it wasn’t HAROLD’s fault he still wouldn’t like HAROLD. He’s a bully.

HAROLD: Overweight. Dumb, bumbling and extremely passive. His mind is always wandering and when asked questions he’s startled. Like a fourth grader who got asked a question by the teacher while he was daydreaming. Blamed for getting everyone arrested although it was common knowledge around town what the 3 men were up to.


SYNOPSIS

RICK, CHRIS and HAROLD are under house arrest for fixing little league games, threatening kids and parents to throw games, tampering with equipment and shaking down coaches. They were sentenced to house arrest to keep them far away from the community. They live in a small two bedroom apartment where HAROLD occupies the couch and sometimes bathtub as a sleeping area; they are never allowed to leave the apartment. Provisions are provided for them on a weekly allowance.


House Arrest #1 - the Spider

Scene: RICK is sitting on the couch shouting to CHRIS who has locked himself in the other room.

RICK
Ok, it’s probably gone now

CHRIS
Did you see it leave? Why didn’t you kill it?

RICK
I never kill spiders

CHRIS
Well from now on I want you to ALWAYS kill spiders

RICK
I don’t know why you’re so scared of a little thing like that, it’s not like we have tarantulas here.

CHRIS
I am not scared of spiders, I just hate them. They make me so mad I scream.

RICK
And run away, and hide.

CHRIS
I go to my room to cool off because I am mad, I HATE that spider

RICK
What spider? I don’t even see anything

CHRIS COMES STORMING OUT OF HIS ROOM

CHRIS
It’s right THERE

CHRIS POINTS TO A BLACK SPOT ON THE TABLE, CHRIS KEEPS A SAFE DISTANCE FROM THE MYSTERY SPOT

RICK
That’s a chocolate CHRIS


CHRIS
That’s a spider, I can see it’s legs

RICK
Those are hairs, or mold or something. HAROLD YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING THIS PLACE!

HAROLD APPEARS

HAROLD
I was just in the other room reading

CHRIS
You’re a liar. HAROLD I want to you to do a complete sweep of this house for spiders.


RICK
And I want you to clean up this chocolate CHRIS and tell me if it’s a spider.

HAROLD GOES OVER TO THE DARK SPOT AND PICKS IT UP AND PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH ALL IN ONE MOTION

CHRIS
You’re a pig, you’re a disgusting pig….well tell us what it was you pig. Was it a spider or a chocolate CHRIS?

HAROLD
Kind hard to tell (HAROLD is wearing a face on him that almost looks like he just bit into a lemon, tears and all). How is a spider supposed to taste?

RICK
Not chocolaty

HAROLD
Probably a spider then

END

HOUSE ARREST

HOUSE ARREST

This is an idea I came up with with a couple of writing colleagues, we decided to try writing short script ideas for a very limiting (but funny) premise. We've actually even shot a couple of these and when they're finished I will post links to those.


A little about us, we are a small group of TV/Film students in the Toronto area who collaborate and shoot short projects together. We've all worked in the industry a little and all have a deep love for this creative process.

Here is the simple premise and characters we'll be designing scenes around:

CHARACTERS


RICK: Tall, tattooed. Has an air of indifference about him, he rarely gets worked up about anything but is known to act out towards HAROLD. He blames HAROLD for getting them arrested although he won’t say it outright.

CHRIS: Slim, very clean and put together. Volatile. He completely blames HAROLD for the position they are in, even if it wasn’t HAROLD'S fault he still wouldn’t like HAROLD. He’s a bully.

HAROLD: Overweight. Dumb, bumbling and extremely passive. His mind is always wandering and when asked questions he’s startled. Like a fourth grader who got asked a question by the teacher while he was daydreaming. Blamed for getting everyone arrested although it was common knowledge around town what the 3 men were up to.


SYNOPSIS

RICK, CHRIS and HAROLD are under house arrest for fixing little league games, threatening kids and parents to throw games, tampering with equipment and shaking down coaches. They were sentenced to house arrest to keep them far away from the community. They live in a small two bedroom apartment where HAROLD occupies the couch and sometimes bathtub as a sleeping area; they are never allowed to leave the apartment. Provisions are provided for them on a weekly allowance.

Back to TCQscripts